Grad school fun! February 9, 2009

After much deliberating, I decided to start up my quest to get my M.F.A. in Creative Writing. I started looking about a year ago and didn’t do much in the way of getting my portfolio together.

There are a handful of Bay Area schools that offer the degree: Mills College, St. Mary’s, SFSU, USF, and SJSU.

So, here I go again. Writing, revising, and finding money to go back to school.

It starts right now February 6, 2009

GOODNESS! I’ve felt like  saying every cuss word know to man this week.  And I’ve been breaking most of my 50 rules for 2009.

So starting now, I’m back on track.

If you see me giving you the side eye it’s because you probably made me break a rule and I don’t like you for it. But, don’t worry I’ll get over it. Eventually.

AWESOME! February 4, 2009

1. My son gave me a birthday card today. He wrote “I love you – From, Tashar” in it.  It was so awesome.
2. Later in the evening he asked me if I wanted him to take the card back to the store. Apparently he didn’t like the way I was behaving.
3. Tomorrow is World Nutella Day.  After I got laid off Nutella became a slight obsession. I tried to eat it everyday. I think I got 2 days into my journey and had to stop.  But tomorrow  I may have to go to SF just to get a Nutella bagel with sliced bananas.
4. I figured out that VLOOKUP doesn’t really hate me, just the data I tell it to look up.  But I learned something tonight.  If my numbers are not formatted the same way VLOOKUP can’t match them.  WHAT! VLOOKUP for making my life easier, you sure do make it difficult. Now I have to convert 3000 lines of data by using right click. Oh the joys of Excel.
5. Last.fm is my new online music player. Very cool.
6. I’ve said “shoot me in the face” way too many times this week.
7. “Poke me in the eye” has gotten some heavy rotation too.
8. I did a visualization exercise that totally rocked my world. I’ve not felt that much emotion in a REALLY long time. It was a great release. Doing another one before I crawl into the bed tonight.
9. I started using Pidgin again; I had way too many chat programs open all the time.
10. And because of the aforementioned I’m now taking the time to spell correctly. Not because I want to, but because the spell check in Pidgin doesn’t work…even after downloading 2 patches to fix it.

And this concludes the “Awesome” for the evening.

Looking February 1, 2009

I find myself writing more and more posts about myself and my internal struggle to find whatever it is I am looking for.

Part of me wants to take my friend Jean’s advice and change the way I think. Check out her comment on this blog post.  I do plan on reading both of those books as part of  my quest to finding “it”.

But I still have the nagging part of me that feels like I NEED to change/do something.  There are 5 boxes that I put my life in: my mother box, my finances box, my career box, my friend/family box, and my love/relationship box.  At the very moment, I’m really only happy with the “mother” and “friendship” boxes.

I never really planned on becoming a mom when I did. Don’t get me wrong, in my heart I always felt like I was born to be a mom. My son makes me infinitely happy. All I have to do is look at him and he makes the worse possible day melt away. But I have my struggles with becoming a mom at 24 and becoming a single mom sometime after that. And seeing him live 2 separate lives in two different households breaks my heart a little. But, overall I’m rocking the “mother box”.

My friends and family are incredibly awesome.  They support me in WHATEVER I do. I love each and everyone of them and I try to make sure that my love is reflected in the things I say and do. I’ll give my “friend/family box” at solid A+.

Now come the “boxes” that I really feel like I need to do something about…

My finances box is a constant jab in my side. No joke. I’m in the process of reteaching myself how to not impulse buy. And I’m paying off my “retail therapy”  debts. Not fun but way necessary. So, there is definite progress here; but until it all goes away and my credit repairs itself, I will not be happy.

My career box is the one I struggle with the most. I’ve done a lot of different things and none of them have made me even 80% happy to be doing them. So, my quest continues. And I’m trying to figure out if grad school is a next logical step (although I started applying last year, I got side tracked by work).

And finally onto the “love/relationship” box. This blog stated as my observations on my dating life. I got some funny stories out of my experiences, but I got tired. Tired of looking. Tired of hoping. Just tired. Now I’m at the point where I’m all kinds of confused, but not about what I want. But about how to let go of my past. It’s been a long road and I’m a better/stronger person for it. But as much as I want to let go of everything, it comes back in tiny little doses. And I stop dead in my tracks and pull back and hide. It takes a lot for me not to do that. It takes a lot to not give up.  But I still have hope. Lots of it.

….I suppose I should have written this in my journal. But it is what it is. I share so that maybe one person can find the words that I type helpful.

Something else I stole January 26, 2009

Yeah, that’s right.  I steal. Well, blog post ideas when I’m fresh out. This came from the ever so lovely Jessica. She rocks and you should visit her blog often. 🙂

99 things I have or haven’t done (bold all that apply)

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person.
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing (rock climbing wall counts!)
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check (HA!…so is life sometimes)
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square (NYC is one of my favorite cities!)
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job (laid off)
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle (so awesome, but so scary)
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person (flown over it)
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox (I was 16 and it sucked!)
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit (class action = free 24 hour fitness membership)
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

I’m listening January 25, 2009

I listen to music all day. My life definitely has a soundtrack. My soundtrack for the weekend was as follows, and in no particular order.

1. Snow Patrol – A Hundred Million Suns (whole album)
2. Fall Out Boy – Infinity on High (whole album)
3. Fall Out Boy  – Folie A Deux (whole album)
4. Alicia Keys – As I Am (whole album)
5. Amy Winehouse – Back to Black (assorted songs)
6. Chris Brown – Exclusive (assorted songs)
7. Robin Thicke – Something Else (assorted songs)
8. Robin Thicke – The Evolution of Robin Thicke (assorted songs)
9. Carl Thomas – Emotional (Valentine)
10. Jill Scott – Beautifully Human, Words and Sounds, Vol 2 (whole album)
11. John Mayer – Continuum (whole album)
12. John Legend – Evolver  (Cross the Line)
13. The Killers – Day & Age  (Neon Tiger and A Dustland Fairytale)
14. The Moulin Rouge Soundtrack (El Tango de Roxanne)
15. Ne-Yo – Because of You and Year of the Gentleman (assorted songs)
16. Common – Finding Forever (whole album)
17. Matthew Santos – Matters of the Bittersweet (whole album)

That’s all I can remember. I’m sure I had so other random things in there too.

$10 = dinner and the longest night and worse day of 2009 January 22, 2009

Spending $10 and getting a pint of beer, a bowl of chicken noodle soup, and a mug of cappuccino the size of my head was pretty awesome. And a good use of $10.

But you know what is not awesome? Staying up until 2am because of the aforementioned cappuccino. I mean I spent my time well by reading Twilight. But for some reason I woke up at 4am and could not go back to sleep.  That made for a really cranky and mean Dianna. That is a Dianna no one wants around.  If I didn’t work from home I’d would have been at my desk in my office crying, with my head on my desk.  I’ve done it before. And there was cussing involved.

I’ve been having a bunch of teachable moments and life lessons this week. It’s been that kind of week.  So here’s my lesson from that day: NEVER drink that much caffeine at 8pm. And just because my day was crappy didn’t mean it had to end that way.  And thanks to Tracee, Miko, Tisa, and Tashar I had a FAB night!

Change the game? January 21, 2009

Excuse me if this sounds like a CRAZY ramble. I’m working off of 2 hours of sleep.

Since I’ve been up for the the last 3 hours (yes I woke up at 4am) I thought it would be a good time reevaluate my life.   I’m feeling stuck, once again.  I feel like I need to DRASTICALLY change something, but I have no idea what to change.

And there lies my dilemma – I’m impatient and want to change everything, but that is in no way humanly possible (for me at least).

I’m open to suggestions on how to shake this stagnant feeling. And what I can do to totally change the game.

I kicks it old school January 18, 2009

Ok, I don’t. But I like the way it sounds.

I’ve been toying with the idea of becoming vegetarian for Lent this year. Last year I gave up way too much and set myself up for failure.  I tried but really didn’t try to stick to these goals.   So this year to redeem myself and show REAL self control I’ll be going semi-vegetarian. Here’s what I will not be eating: mammalian meat, poultry (excluding chicken and ground turkey), bottom feeding  fish, and shellfish.

I guess that will make me a mix between a Pollotarianism and a Pescetarianis.

I will also be trying my best to stay away from food that I’m allergic to: dairy (mostly milk) and  gluten (most breads and grains).

Lent starts Ash Wednesday (February 25th) and ends Holy Saturday (April 11th).  Wish me luck.

Sometimes I’m just too nice

If you know me, you know that I’m a nice gal. I usually go out of my way to make sure people (I care about) are happy, comfy, etc. But sometimes I extent my niceness to people I don’t know. My friends always tell me not to say hi and smile at strangers…but I’m 28 and I’ll do what I wanna. But, I think I will take their advice from now on.

Last weekend my friends and I went dancing and then had breakfast at Denny’s. Of course me being me I smiled and said hi to a guy that said hi to me. Apparently he took that the wrong way. I was just saying, “hi”, but in his mind he took my simple “hi” as a “OMG she’s totally into me”. Long story short I ended up wasting 20 minutes of my life talking to him. And when I asked him if he remembered my name he admitted he didn’t. Exit stage left. My buffalo chicken sandwich is getting cold and my friends are giving me the side eye.