The Tate Way

it’s worked so far

Grad school fun! February 9, 2009

Filed under: all about me!,random — Dianna @ 11:25 pm

After much deliberating, I decided to start up my quest to get my M.F.A. in Creative Writing. I started looking about a year ago and didn’t do much in the way of getting my portfolio together.

There are a handful of Bay Area schools that offer the degree: Mills College, St. Mary’s, SFSU, USF, and SJSU.

So, here I go again. Writing, revising, and finding money to go back to school.

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Would you have the courage to wear one? February 5, 2009

Filed under: random — Dianna @ 6:42 pm

Check the link: Passion For Christ Movement

It takes a lot of courage to display your past vices on your chest.

 

AWESOME! February 4, 2009

Filed under: all about me!,music: on repeat,random,stuff i like — Dianna @ 11:38 pm
  1. My son gave me a birthday card today. He wrote “I love you – From, Tashar” in it.  It was so awesome.
  2. Later in the evening he asked me if I wanted him to take the card back to the store. Apparently he didn’t like the way I was behaving.
  3. Tomorrow is World Nutella Day.  After I got laid off Nutella became a slight obsession. I tried to eat it everyday. I think I got 2 days into my journey and had to stop.  But tomorrow  I may have to go to SF just to get a Nutella bagel with sliced bananas.
  4. I figured out that VLOOKUP doesn’t really hate me, just the data I tell it to look up.  But I learned something tonight.  If my numbers are not formatted the same way VLOOKUP can’t match them.  WHAT! VLOOKUP for making my life easier, you sure do make it difficult. Now I have to convert 3000 lines of data by using right click. Oh the joys of Excel.
  5. Last.fm is my new online music player. Very cool.
  6. I’ve said “shoot me in the face” way too many times this week.
  7. “Poke me in the eye” has gotten some heavy rotation too.
  8. I did a visualization exercise that totally rocked my world. I’ve not felt that much emotion in a REALLY long time. It was a great release. Doing another one before I crawl into the bed tonight.
  9. I started using Pidgin again; I had way too many chat programs open all the time.
  10. And because of the aforementioned I’m now taking the time to spell correctly. Not because I want to, but because the spell check in Pidgin doesn’t work…even after downloading 2 patches to fix it.

And this concludes the “Awesome” for the evening.

 

Light Weight Stalking February 2, 2009

Filed under: random — Dianna @ 11:11 pm

Yeah, I’m a stalker, but totally on the light weight tip. I don’t hide in bushes or get dirty. But I do other random things, thanks to the internets.

That ends my sharing session for the night. I really have nothing to write about; I just needed to post something tonight. 🙂

 

Looking February 1, 2009

Filed under: all about me!,daily writing,dating,love,random,single — Dianna @ 11:33 pm

I find myself writing more and more posts about myself and my internal struggle to find whatever it is I am looking for.

Part of me wants to take my friend Jean’s advice and change the way I think. Check out her comment on this blog post.  I do plan on reading both of those books as part of  my quest to finding “it”.

But I still have the nagging part of me that feels like I NEED to change/do something.  There are 5 boxes that I put my life in: my mother box, my finances box, my career box, my friend/family box, and my love/relationship box.  At the very moment, I’m really only happy with the “mother” and “friendship” boxes.

I never really planned on becoming a mom when I did. Don’t get me wrong, in my heart I always felt like I was born to be a mom. My son makes me infinitely happy. All I have to do is look at him and he makes the worse possible day melt away. But I have my struggles with becoming a mom at 24 and becoming a single mom sometime after that. And seeing him live 2 separate lives in two different households breaks my heart a little. But, overall I’m rocking the “mother box”.

My friends and family are incredibly awesome.  They support me in WHATEVER I do. I love each and everyone of them and I try to make sure that my love is reflected in the things I say and do. I’ll give my “friend/family box” at solid A+.

Now come the “boxes” that I really feel like I need to do something about…

My finances box is a constant jab in my side. No joke. I’m in the process of reteaching myself how to not impulse buy. And I’m paying off my “retail therapy”  debts. Not fun but way necessary. So, there is definite progress here; but until it all goes away and my credit repairs itself, I will not be happy.

My career box is the one I struggle with the most. I’ve done a lot of different things and none of them have made me even 80% happy to be doing them. So, my quest continues. And I’m trying to figure out if grad school is a next logical step (although I started applying last year, I got side tracked by work).

And finally onto the “love/relationship” box. This blog stated as my observations on my dating life. I got some funny stories out of my experiences, but I got tired. Tired of looking. Tired of hoping. Just tired. Now I’m at the point where I’m all kinds of confused, but not about what I want. But about how to let go of my past. It’s been a long road and I’m a better/stronger person for it. But as much as I want to let go of everything, it comes back in tiny little doses. And I stop dead in my tracks and pull back and hide. It takes a lot for me not to do that. It takes a lot to not give up.  But I still have hope. Lots of it.

….I suppose I should have written this in my journal. But it is what it is. I share so that maybe one person can find the words that I type helpful.

 

Life Lesson # 5223 January 30, 2009

Filed under: dating,handbook,random — Dianna @ 7:23 pm

Have expectations.

Sounds simple? Yes to a normal person.  Dianna, as we all know, is not normal. I’m a little weird. And darn proud of it! But I digress.

For a (very) long time I’ve told myself that if I have no expectations I have no way of getting hurt. Well, that logic is VERY flawed. When I would tell myself not to have expectations, I would subconsciously have expectations. And if plans fell through, if I didn’t get a call, if anything outside of my “secret” expectations happened I’d be disappointed.  And I would be really annoyed at myself for caring. The point was that I really didn’t want to care (at least on the surface). But inside I would be annoyed and anxious. I’m prone to anxiety and try at all costs to make sure I’m not anxious. But having”secret” expectations does not serve that purpose well.

So, onto life lesson # 5223. I will have expectations about EVERYTHING I am involved in, touch, am a part of, has my name on it, etc.   I will have expectations about the small things in my life.  I will expect certain things about the big things my life. Starting today – because waiting for tomorrow will break rule number 18 –  I will not be afraid to have expectations for all the “stuff” in my life. What happens will happen, no matter what I expect or don’t expect.  But if I want it, I need to put it out there. And my expectations, when voiced, can have dramatic changes on things; I’ve seen it happen.

And just to show I’m serious about this, here is a list o’ expectations to get me started:

  1. My child will sleep in the bed by himself every night. Even if that means I have to sleep on the couch.
  2. I will make myself do what I need to do, no matter how crappy I think things will turn out.
  3. If you can’t figure out how to talk to me or deal with me, then just ask me. I’m a great resource.

And as a side note, check out this link.  So far I’ve read “Facing Your Giants”. It was one of my many reality checks I’ve been having over the last 4 or 5 months.  I’m getting better everyday people! But, I’m pretty awesome to begin with. 🙂

 

Love my night January 28, 2009

Filed under: random — Dianna @ 9:07 pm

So, I’m having a pretty good night.  I got to meet up with friends I haven’t seen in awhile; good times. 🙂

And now I’m home, eating Drunken Goat Cheese, Red Seedless Grapes, and a glass of my favorite wine to date.  And I’m watching Office Space.  It gets no better than this for a Wednesday night.