The Tate Way

it’s worked so far

Why do I need a guide on how to cope? February 4, 2009

Filed under: dating — Dianna @ 11:58 pm
Tags: ,

For the love of all that is romantic in this world. Do we really need 15,600,000 search results for the phrase “single on valentine’s day”.  Is it that bad? Do we really need that much help?

I suppose we do.

Being Single on Valentine’s Day: A Survival Guide

How to Cope with Valentine’s Day When You’re Single

Single on Valentine’s Day

Single on Valentine’s Day: 7 Ways to Enjoy this Lover’s Holiday When You’re Unattached

The Single Girl’s Valentine’s Day (OMG…poke me in the eff-ing eye right now!)

Coping with Being Single on Valentine’s Day

Fierce and Single: Give Valentine’s Day a Run For It’s Money

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Looking February 1, 2009

Filed under: all about me!,daily writing,dating,love,random,single — Dianna @ 11:33 pm

I find myself writing more and more posts about myself and my internal struggle to find whatever it is I am looking for.

Part of me wants to take my friend Jean’s advice and change the way I think. Check out her comment on this blog post.  I do plan on reading both of those books as part of  my quest to finding “it”.

But I still have the nagging part of me that feels like I NEED to change/do something.  There are 5 boxes that I put my life in: my mother box, my finances box, my career box, my friend/family box, and my love/relationship box.  At the very moment, I’m really only happy with the “mother” and “friendship” boxes.

I never really planned on becoming a mom when I did. Don’t get me wrong, in my heart I always felt like I was born to be a mom. My son makes me infinitely happy. All I have to do is look at him and he makes the worse possible day melt away. But I have my struggles with becoming a mom at 24 and becoming a single mom sometime after that. And seeing him live 2 separate lives in two different households breaks my heart a little. But, overall I’m rocking the “mother box”.

My friends and family are incredibly awesome.  They support me in WHATEVER I do. I love each and everyone of them and I try to make sure that my love is reflected in the things I say and do. I’ll give my “friend/family box” at solid A+.

Now come the “boxes” that I really feel like I need to do something about…

My finances box is a constant jab in my side. No joke. I’m in the process of reteaching myself how to not impulse buy. And I’m paying off my “retail therapy”  debts. Not fun but way necessary. So, there is definite progress here; but until it all goes away and my credit repairs itself, I will not be happy.

My career box is the one I struggle with the most. I’ve done a lot of different things and none of them have made me even 80% happy to be doing them. So, my quest continues. And I’m trying to figure out if grad school is a next logical step (although I started applying last year, I got side tracked by work).

And finally onto the “love/relationship” box. This blog stated as my observations on my dating life. I got some funny stories out of my experiences, but I got tired. Tired of looking. Tired of hoping. Just tired. Now I’m at the point where I’m all kinds of confused, but not about what I want. But about how to let go of my past. It’s been a long road and I’m a better/stronger person for it. But as much as I want to let go of everything, it comes back in tiny little doses. And I stop dead in my tracks and pull back and hide. It takes a lot for me not to do that. It takes a lot to not give up.  But I still have hope. Lots of it.

….I suppose I should have written this in my journal. But it is what it is. I share so that maybe one person can find the words that I type helpful.

 

Life Lesson # 5223 January 30, 2009

Filed under: dating,handbook,random — Dianna @ 7:23 pm

Have expectations.

Sounds simple? Yes to a normal person.  Dianna, as we all know, is not normal. I’m a little weird. And darn proud of it! But I digress.

For a (very) long time I’ve told myself that if I have no expectations I have no way of getting hurt. Well, that logic is VERY flawed. When I would tell myself not to have expectations, I would subconsciously have expectations. And if plans fell through, if I didn’t get a call, if anything outside of my “secret” expectations happened I’d be disappointed.  And I would be really annoyed at myself for caring. The point was that I really didn’t want to care (at least on the surface). But inside I would be annoyed and anxious. I’m prone to anxiety and try at all costs to make sure I’m not anxious. But having”secret” expectations does not serve that purpose well.

So, onto life lesson # 5223. I will have expectations about EVERYTHING I am involved in, touch, am a part of, has my name on it, etc.   I will have expectations about the small things in my life.  I will expect certain things about the big things my life. Starting today – because waiting for tomorrow will break rule number 18 –  I will not be afraid to have expectations for all the “stuff” in my life. What happens will happen, no matter what I expect or don’t expect.  But if I want it, I need to put it out there. And my expectations, when voiced, can have dramatic changes on things; I’ve seen it happen.

And just to show I’m serious about this, here is a list o’ expectations to get me started:

  1. My child will sleep in the bed by himself every night. Even if that means I have to sleep on the couch.
  2. I will make myself do what I need to do, no matter how crappy I think things will turn out.
  3. If you can’t figure out how to talk to me or deal with me, then just ask me. I’m a great resource.

And as a side note, check out this link.  So far I’ve read “Facing Your Giants”. It was one of my many reality checks I’ve been having over the last 4 or 5 months.  I’m getting better everyday people! But, I’m pretty awesome to begin with. 🙂

 

I will be going to see this January 19, 2009

Filed under: dating,random — Dianna @ 6:24 pm

He’s Just Not That Into You

 

A little bit of space never hurts January 5, 2009

Filed under: dating — Dianna @ 8:27 pm

Why is that always the excuse when things are going toward the path of seriousness.

I was watching The City and Jay, the guy Whitney is “dating” or thinks she is, tells his friend things are moving too fast so he decided not to go to a dinner party Whitney asked him to attend with her.  And his friend says “A little bit of space never hurts.”  Jay never tells Whitney that he feels like this. He just tells her he can’t go  because he doesn’t like the people who will be in attendance.

And the next episode Jay tells his friend he will not  stop dating other people until Whitney says she wants to do the same thing. DAMN THAT!  Whitney don’t give in.  I wish you could hear what he was saying behind your back.

So here’s my rule. Do what you want until you feel like you are ready to not see other people.  If it’s right the other person will do the same thing at about the same time – and there will be a conversation had about it.

Or you can just be upfront and say, “Hey, I am not seeing other people because I am really into you.  I want you to do the same.  But if you are not, NEITHER AM I!”

It’s called keeping it real in 2009.

 

My World: Undecided October 13, 2008

Filed under: all about me!,dating,in progress,random — Dianna @ 8:53 pm

I can now freely admit this: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING WITH MY LIFE.

Here are my issues:

  1. Every job I’ve had for the last 5 years has not made me happy.  But I have no idea what I want to be doing but I’m compiling a hefty list of what I don’t want to be doing.
  2. My last relationship failed horribly.  I don’t want that to happen ever again, but life goes on and I can’t be scared for the rest of my life.
  3. I’m scared to be in a relationship; so  I protect my heart at all costs.  But that is getting lonely and old.
  4. I want to make a change, but don’t know what they change will be or how that change will take place.  I usually make major changes when something in my life prompts me to do so.  Nothing is prompting me right now and I’m starting to lose my mind a little bit.
  5. I can’t seem to accomplish my simple goal of working out everyday.  If I can’t do that how am I suppose to accomplish my other goals?

I’m sure there are plenty more I can lament about, but I won’t.  Being at a crossroads SUCKS…I just need myself to make up her mind.

 

Dianna’s Guide to Finding… August 29, 2008

Filed under: 2008 goals,dating,random — Dianna @ 8:51 pm

A Single Girl’s Guide.

It’s been kinda hard. I’d like to find one that doesn’t treat being single like a plague. I like being single.  Let me rephrase, I’ve liked being single for the last year or so. Before that, being single SUCKED.  But now being single means I know me, I love me, I need me, and no one can replace me.  Being single means loving the life I make for myself and not freaking out every time I read something about how to catch a man.

So my suggestion on finding a single girl’s guide: don’t.  Just make it up as you go.