Every so often (okay, maybe more like everyday) I ask myself if it is okay for me to be single. I’m 27 (not so bad) with a child (the best thing I’ve ever made) and living the high life in the greatest state capital on Earth (okay, maybe Indianapolis is a little better and the “high life” is a GREAT exaggeration). But, when I’m laying in my bed at night I miss having.
Having someone who snores louder than me. Having someone who wears socks to bed. Having someone who gets up earlier than me, leaving me the entire bed and the smell of his pillow. I miss it. Plus it’s always nice to have someone to have an intelligent, thought driven, thought provoking conversion with, while I’m on the cusp of sleep (hey, it can happen!). I really miss the companionship that a relationship brings.
But, I have the tendency to jump into relationships and settle, because I hate being alone. It has taken me 5 years to figure out that I am NEVER alone. I have my family and my friends. And I have my faith. And my faith tells me that the universe has a plan for me. The “fear of being alone” is a smokescreen for a lot of crap. I have to look past it everyday. I have to dig deeper everyday.
So, yes. It is okay for me to be single. It is better than okay to be single with a fantastic 3-year old who still asks me for hugs and kisses (and more hugs and kisses) before he falls asleep. I don’t completely give up on the idea of being in a relationship, getting married, and having more kids.
I’m just waiting, not anxiously, but waiting none-the-less.